I've noticed recently, that I seem to lie to my kids a lot. Here are some recent examples:
"Mum, does this have onions in?"
Instead of saying "of course it does, it would taste crap without onions, it's always had onions in and you've been eating them for years. Ha ha."
I say "err I don't remember..."
"Mum, where are you?"
Instead of saying "I'm in the next room blind child, I walked past you precisely five seconds ago and ruffled your hair."
I say "I'm on the moon!"
"Mum what's this red circle with a dot in the middle of it on the pavement?"
Instead of saying "I have no idea, a workman's idea of original graffiti maybe?"
I say "It's a magic spot, and if you stand on it and say the magic words you get shot into outer space. I don't know what the magic words are though..." And consequently have to wait ten minutes every time we walk past the red spot while both children stand on it with their eyes closed and mutter "magic" words.
"Mum, my teacher says Santa doesn't exist, it's your parents who put the presents in your stockings. Is that true?"
Instead of saying "Look, I've got something to tell you... if I could just invent a time machine and go back and never have started this stupid lie that I'm not going to know how to get out of I would!"
I say "Santa only comes to people who believe in him, obviously your teacher doesn't"
It disturbs me that I do this.
I am naturally a really painfully honest person. The boys knew exactly where babies came from the minute they thought to ask. I am an excellent person to go clothes shopping with because I am never ever going to tell you you look good in something when you actually look like a link of sausages. I've been known to apologize to people just for thinking something bad. And yet here I am. Mired in lies. I wish I could see the future. To know if these are the things that are going to stop my children trusting me. At the moment they know (or more accurately, think they know) that I will be honest with them. I have a pretty good track record of explaining things in endless detail until I am really sure they understand.
The Santa thing is the one that worries me most. I know almost everyone does it. But that doesn't mean I had to. The children know I do their dad's stocking, that Santa doesn't come to adults. Would it be really terrible if I put off telling them the truth until they have kids of their own and have to assume stocking duty for their own offspring...??